I learned some things about me today. In a session with a counselor, we talked about how to overcome this feeling of boredom and listlessness. Apart from the last week of frantically moving house, I have been so frustrated, bored... basically going out of my mind. Confused about who I was. Thinking that I had lost my identity. That I was now just labeled as 'Mum' and 'Wife'
I was told that I am still here. I am still exercising the areas in my life that are just for me. I didnt even realise. I play tennis, I sing and spend time with my friends.
For some background, I was never great at any one thing growing up. I tried lots of things some I loved some I could just do. I know that I am naturally athletic. My brothers and I could basically pick up a ball and learn how to play that sport well. Some days I love nothing more than playing a sport until my body gives up. I love it. I also know that music is in my blood. It's where my relationship with God really comes alive. Whether its listening to it, singing or playing it. I love it. I love nothing more than hanging out in good company. To talk about nothing or something really deep. I love being close to those who impact my life and make it that little more exciting. Then there are times where I just want to sit quietly with a good book and escape out of this world. To just read the day away. Give some music I can dance to and I will dance the night away. I used to really love just hanging with kids. I babysat for a number of years, worked in childcare, served on the childrens roster at church. I really thought my place was with animals. I loved volunteering at Australia Zoo and RSPCA. I always wanted to be a vet nurse and I had a job at a surgery. Until my dream went pear shaped.
My point is that I have so many parts of me that I don't know which area I want to pursue. I used to write novels when I was at school, I would write poetry, short stories. I have at least 5 unfinished novels I started since I was 15.
I need to do something. I don't know what. The other thing is that I have to choose carefully as it needs to be flexible since I have a 1 year old and a tight budget.
I just want to find something that challenges me but that I enjoy. Something that lets me be creative yet is affordable. Something that can fit into being a mum. Something that is benefiting someone. I want to feel useful and make a difference somewhere.
I need this to be a God lead thing. He knows me better than anyone else.
But if you have any thoughts feel free to comment.
The highs and lows of a wife and mother trying to find her place in the world
I think that you are a very talented writer. And there are a lot of women who go through very similar things/feelings to what you have/are going through. Why don't you write a book of your journey? It would be all the more powerful because you would be writing as someone still moving through it, rather than someone who went through it 10 years ago and thinks they can remember what it is like. People will relate to you.
ReplyDeleteI read this, and all the feelings you describe are normal! I too have been there.
ReplyDeleteI know this was a long time ago, but I read this. Let God be the light unto your path xx