Facebook is evil thing sometimes

I have discovered that no one likes me posting anything negative on Facebook. I try not to. But when I want a vague whinge I get slammed. Whereas I watch and read so many peoples posts and how much support they get from their whinge and I ask myself why?

Everyone expects more from me. That I get. I appear to be strong, holding together, have nothing to complain about life is just peachy.... Well at the moment it is not. No there is nothing dramatic going on, no I have no crisis except the usual day to day stuff... So why do I want to complain?

 I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA.

So Facebook you will not reap the satisfaction of hearing my complaints. As usual I will be silent. I will stay the predicable human that I am and pretend all is good and if you want to know what is going on ask me and I may give you the brush off response you will expect from me or I may be honest for once. Either way we all have our own dramas and don't ask if you don't want to hear reality. Just do me a favour and don't tell me I have nothing to complain about or say things could be worse. Of course I know it could be worse that's why I'm still here! I am just having a composure break down and if you would give a minute to breathe I will recover.

The end.

Happy New Year? I think not...

2014....

A new year brings new goals, hope, excitement, anticipation.

It didn't last long halfway through Jan and I'm already losing the joy.

Do get a job? What new things can I try this year?  Will it be different to last year?

Last year was FULL ON. I did almost everything.... I said yes to everything... It was exhausting.

Last year we were so sure we would buy a house. We couldn't. I guess for personal growth last year was a challenge but a good one....

Why do I feel like I reverted back to who I was at the beginning of the previous year?

I want to crawl into a hole and not come out... The thought of taking risks makes me want to run around like a crazy person and screaming NNOOOOOO!

It could be because today I am tired... because my kids have had enough of me... because I haven't exercised... Maybe just because I am that crazy person...

 The world has turned upside down with hubby's work... that's the biggest worry....

The part where I lay awake for hours after going to bed at 11pm and getting up at 3am because my daughter wakes up. She goes back to sleep but I can't.

I have all day to worry about things and not many distractions.

Doubts again about who I am, if what I am doing is right and if I am the Christian I thought I am...

Guilt plagues me for the desires I have and dreams I had... I push them aside for the dreams of my family... I can't step forward and can barely stand still.

The unknown makes me worry every minute. The content feeling I had has burnt to the ground replaced with fear for the future. I shouldn't worry, but I am struggling to stop it.

This crazy person needs to sleep more and pray more, then maybe things will clearer.