2014....
A new year brings new goals, hope, excitement, anticipation.
It didn't last long halfway through Jan and I'm already losing the joy.
Do get a job? What new things can I try this year? Will it be different to last year?
Last year was FULL ON. I did almost everything.... I said yes to everything... It was exhausting.
Last year we were so sure we would buy a house. We couldn't. I guess for personal growth last year was a challenge but a good one....
Why do I feel like I reverted back to who I was at the beginning of the previous year?
I want to crawl into a hole and not come out... The thought of taking risks makes me want to run around like a crazy person and screaming NNOOOOOO!
It could be because today I am tired... because my kids have had enough of me... because I haven't exercised... Maybe just because I am that crazy person...
The world has turned upside down with hubby's work... that's the biggest worry....
The part where I lay awake for hours after going to bed at 11pm and getting up at 3am because my daughter wakes up. She goes back to sleep but I can't.
I have all day to worry about things and not many distractions.
Doubts again about who I am, if what I am doing is right and if I am the Christian I thought I am...
Guilt plagues me for the desires I have and dreams I had... I push them aside for the dreams of my family... I can't step forward and can barely stand still.
The unknown makes me worry every minute. The content feeling I had has burnt to the ground replaced with fear for the future. I shouldn't worry, but I am struggling to stop it.
This crazy person needs to sleep more and pray more, then maybe things will clearer.
The highs and lows of a wife and mother trying to find her place in the world
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