Freedom

Well we have finally moved. I feel peace. I feel indescribably joyful. Its just us. No one relying on us, no questions, no interruptions... Just us.

I feel myself again. My little girl has settled in well, even my cat seems more at peace. We still have a lot to sort out, like connecting our aerial for the tv and getting the internet sorted... but I kinda like it just being us.

Everything in this house belongs to us. We can do whatever we like with it. I like that freedom. We have spent so much money on getting things looking good but it was worth it.

I didnt realise that I didnt express my joy to my husband. He thought I was as grumpy as before. Sounds stupid but I guess I forgot. He was so busy trying to sort everything out that I thought he was just stressed. I wanted to make the most of him being motivated to do things that I forgot to tell him how happy I felt. I just asked what he had to do and told him about other things that needed to be done instead of showing my excitement of being here.

I know this house won't solve everything going on in my head but its a start. It puts some distance between the people we love. So we can realign our emotions, thoughts and opinions. Look at it from a distance. Hopefully then we can also concentrate on our relationship.

The best part about all this is that I can worship my God without worrying about making someone else feel awkward. Or being interrupted, I can sing as loud as I want and not care who's watching! I can bawl on my lounge room floor without worring abt having to explain to someone whats wrong.

Thats what I call freedom. Maybe that was what was hurting the most. Neglecting my God because of embarrassment or making things awkward for someone else.

God take me back! Hold me as I openly worship you. You are all I need.