Its 4.44am

I have no idea why I am up this early. In fact I have been awake for over an hour. Could it be that there is something playing on my mind. Well there are a few things going round my head.

I am considering giving up my position in one area of my life. I don't know if my reasons are the right ones though. I don't know if I should just push through or hand the reins over to someone who is better equipped.

Also I have addressed a rather touchy issue with someone very close to me. I wanted to avoid it at all costs. I wondered if by having it out in the open would help that person see what they are doing... Help propel them out of the situation they refuse to acknowledge. All I've gotten so far is excuses. Words of opinion shoved into my mouth. Paranoia and insecurities dumped on me. I will be fighting with this for months maybe even years. At least before there was kind of a wall to hide behind but now that part of it has been addressed, I am exposed. Part of my feelings about this is out to be under valued and the past ready to be brought up and thrown in my face... again.

Nothing about this feels right. I was waiting for the 'right moment' Well I don't think that was it. Too late now I guess. It could possibly end very badly...

Maybe it's about time all of this came out. Maybe God has a plan for this situation. But right now, at the stupid time of 4.55am I am out in the cold worrying about it.

Hopefully by the time I get into bed next to my warm husband... I will feel better. I just have to pray and wait for this to pan out and

hopefully...



God will have my back and make something amazing come out of this.