Life

I hate feeling like I cant help, that no matter what I say it wont help. You don't know cuz u havent been there. No one actually said those words but they didnt have to. It makes me want to disappear. To run away where no one will find me so I dont feel so useless. To have no one expect anything of me, so I can't fail them.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I wish I could avoid going to the doctors. Avoid talking abt it anymore. I dont want to talk abt it. I dont want to admit that I'm losing my mind, life and everything in it. I dont want to admit defeat... but there it is, staring me in the face. Hating me, taunting me. I just want it to go away. I can't go back to the way life was when I was happy. I can't control the thought going through my head. I brush them away but one day they will just stay there and I will go spiraling down again.

Stuff life! Right now I just hate it. If it wasnt for Maddison this would be the end. Then again if I didnt have her then I wouldnt be where I am...