Christmas and the New Year

Well Christmas was surprisingly painless. Maddison really loved playing with the wrapping and I think we all enjoyed ourselves. The new year party we had just finished a little while ago. It was great fun. Had a night out on the town, which was something I havent done in a while. It was really good, but kinda bad at the same time. I didnt get depressed drinking like I usually do... Which was good but the thing I am avoiding thinking abt is not going away. On the outside I'm fine, I look, act and do everything normally, I mean I can still crack jokes and laugh like normal. But inside is churning... I can't shake this feeling of loss or sadness. I just don't feel right. I need to put my finger on it... I need to know the cause. But I can't! its just not normal. Life is a blur... no one has a clue whats going on. Not like they would care anyway... I feel like hiding away. Just disappearing for a while. I wish I could. I'm sure no one would notice...