Lost

In a world that focuses on 'finding yourself' assuming that we are lost... where are we? Physically? Emotionally? Mentally? I am lost right now... but I dont want to find myself, I want to run away. I want to get away from the things that are worrying me, things are hurting, things I cant control. I want to seek refuge. To hide until I get my thoughts under control. They are spiraling out of control.

There is a control that is bad, that destroys relationships, that hurts really deeply... where is that line? the very fine line between good control and bad?? When so we know we've gone too far??

I dont know what I feel, where my head is... I know there is ppl really hurting right now and I dont know how to help. How do u help someone when you cant help yourself? How do help someone who cries out for help but wont accept it.. How do help someone when you've never been in the situation they are in? Why do I want something to bad to happen just so I can say that I understand?

I can look like I have everything together, I can pray in company an amazing prayer, yet I cant do it alone in my room, How did I forget my God when I remind others not to forget him. I am a hypocrite. By that prayer I know God is still with me yet I feel so far away. When did my day to day life suddenly change. I could blame my daughter but that wouldnt be fair. It's not her fault, its mine. When will I feel like myself again? Probably never.

But life goes on whether I'm happy or not. How comforting...