Tested

I feel like I'm on trial here. My toddler is cranky, not sleeping, getting over a cold, teething, throwing random tantrums and being exceptionally clingy. What's weird is that's the easiest to deal with.

My husband is working his butt off and getting nowhere, I barely ever see him. I'm feeling pregnant and getting more tired, much slower and am reaching boiling point a hell of a lot faster. I am tired of being ignored for my daughter. Its getting old that my own mother doesn't even acknowledge my existence when Maddison is around. This is minor but when everything else is crashing down its just one more thing that is testing my patience.

I am 25 weeeks pregnant, I have a 21 month old daughter. I do not have the energy to run around after everyone else. I have my own life and own family to cope with.

Today I have a cold. Maddison has just started getting over it and I've got it now. All I wanted to do today was rest and have a quiet day. Not possible. An unexpected visit from my mother in law this morning. Which usually isn't welcomed but she brought me flowers because Dan told her I wasn't feeling well. In exchange for a coffee of course. It was a really nice gesture. And then my mother begged me to help her clean her oven. She would have had me packing if I stuck around long enough but Maddison refused a sleep so I got out of there as soon I could. I just wanted to go home, get angry, cry and sleep. It was just too much.

Instead I spent half an hour trying to unwind, Maddison was quietly playing, until Dan got home. Then I bitched to him for a good 15mins about my day, I fed and bathed Maddison, Dan got her ready for bed then left to do more work. I put her to bed made my dinner and here I am alone, cuddling my cat and still bitching.

No I don't feel better. I feel drained. I just thank God that he made a new day and it has the potential to be better than today. I feel as stretched as I can be right now. My patience is worn, my body is tired. I will try and stop doing all this by myself. I thought I was tough, invincible and able to cope with anything. Its a miracle I'm still standing. God knows my limits and they are a lot higher than I would have guessed. I just have to keep remembering that he didn't make me to do this on my own.

I will succeed... just not today. I have been wanting to climb into a hole this week and be a hermit for a while. People and their expectations are so exhausting.

So a toast to tomorrow, may you be a crap load better than today!!