I can't fight anymore

My mind has been working in overdrive. I am now exhausted. I can't even begin to explain whats been going on. I try to change things, make suggestions on how to fix things. But either we can't afford to or I feel like I'm wasting time cause they'll never happen.

I make allowances for forgetfulness, needs and obligations yet I am expected to make more. I get my own needs thrown back at me to justify others needs. I am not expected to argue. What's the point anyway. It'll never get through.

There's that 'lack of freedom' feeling again. I will rarely get time away from my daughter. I don't mind so much cause that's my job but having coffee with friends doesn't relax me. I am still keeping an eye on my toddler. So it's not the same as going to movies and hanging out with mates. The focus is always on my child. Therefore resulting in more stress sometimes if she's being difficult. I just would like a little consideration and freedom to feel like a person not someone's mother or wife.

Maybe hormones are screwing me over too. I can't shake this feeling of helplessness. Like wishing something was different but knowing it never will be.

I sacrifice a heap of little things during that day that usually go unnoticed until I have to make an allowance for you to finish doing what your doing before you'll see to our daughter. Sounds petty of me to mention but after a while this is frustrating. I ask you to help so I can finish getting her stuff done but I have to wait for to get yourself sorted and then get myself ready while u do nothing. Some days I desperately need my coffee but I wait until I've fed my daughter before I even think about it. How did this change? From being a selfish person to ignoring my needs to put my family first. I barely even noticed the change until I realised that you haven't changed.

Normally I would feel angry at this point but I just feel tired. Sad. Useless. I don't have the energy to make my point. It hasn't made any difference before. I wish I could muster up enough energy but in truth I don't have it. Others may see me as weak but really... Its easier to stay unhappy for a while than fight with a brick wall. I'm tired of taking punches. I have fought but now I need some time to recoup. To think. To pray. I need some time to adjust my thoughts, re energize and hopefully get back on my feet. So don't ask me what's wrong, don't tell me I'm being unreasonable. Don't agree with everything I say unless you actually plan to make it happen. I can't do everything. In fact right now I can't do anything.

Soon I will be strong. God will energize me but for now.... I can't fight.