I'm not going crazy

I have been wondering lately why I was getting annoyed with every little thing my darling husband did or didnt do and I thought I was just sick of him. Till it was explained to me that I am constricted. As a mother of a nearly one year old that has a routine and day in day out I do almost the exact same thing. I dont have the freedom to decided when I do something. Instead I have a small window of opportunity to get what I need done.

I thought it was personal, that it was his fault. But instead I am looking at a man who works from home, that chooses to work, sleep, eat whenever he wants.
Bear with me while I get this down and hope it makes sense.

I am frustrated at looking at someone who represents freedom. When in my world I have such a limited amount it of. So its not Dan that I'm struggling with, its what he represents. Freedom. The one thing I don't have.

Apparently most mothers feel this lack when they have young children, but it makes it worse when its staring me in the face. So when I have to watch Dan choose to do what I've asked in his own time, its like rubbing salt in the wound. The fact that he decides how his day will go. I don't have that luxury. Some days I would like to just finish that chapter in a book, or spend a few more minutes in the shower... But I stop in the middle of everything to see to my little girl. I'm not resentful, its just frustrating seeing someone who chooses to wait a few more minutes and then forgets.

So there you have it. I'm not crazy, instead I'm a normal mother feeling the stress of not having a choice. I'm struggling to find balance between being with her and being a person apart from her. I want to be with her all the time but I also need to be me. I dont think I know who I am apart from her at the moment.

So its not Dan's fault that he represents freedom. He will just have to work out how to lessen the impact it has on me. While I have to start getting some ideas on how to just be me. Spending more time away than just 2 hours on a coffee date. I need something else to occupy my mind, apart from BABY! Any ideas? Feel free to share.