In over my head

I have been procrastinating.

How stupid is it to try and avoid the inevitable. Maddison WILL grow up and she IS going to turn one. Why is that so hard to accept? Where has the time gone? Why am I fearing the things that won't happen for a while yet?

I really hate it when people say, "then comes the terrible twos" and then "Just wait till she's a teenager" and "They grow up so fast and before you know they'll be leaving home."

Like seriously! That's not helping me. I thought I had been making the most of her being a baby, now when I hear that it just makes me feel like she will gone in minutes. And that's stupid because my focus has shifted to the fear of whats to come that I do actually miss just enjoying the time we have now. The time goes fast enough with having to listen to comments like that. Are those people just regretting the time they have missed out on? I feel sorry for them because I know that I have tried as hard as I could to spend as much time as possible with my daughter. I don't regret that for a second.

So I have been worrying about her turning one and trying to get a party sorted out that she won't even remember. Why is it such a big deal? I don't really know. I am having a big gathering so that it pleases everyone else.

At the end of the day, I would have been happy with Dan, Maddison and I to have a picnic in our own backyard. But then the family would have a big stink about it.

I would love to just be our own family one day.