Stumbling

I am angry, I feel alone, there is too much in my head. I'm frustrated, I'm confused. No one can tell us what to do. We dont know what to do! I am so angry that I can't be calm and rational. I know what I want but I don't know how to get there. Its not straight forward. I'm tired of making bad choices. God has gotten us out of a couple of bad decisions but we are paying for it now.

I hate that I dream big and have lots of drive but at the first hiccup I spiral out of control. I doubt if its for us, I wonder if we deserve it. I hate that I'm not stronger. I really believed God wanted us to have this. Now it just looks impossible. I know in my heart that God can do the impossible, I just wish my head would listen.

I wish that I could just be content with what we have. But I'm not content and havent been for ages. I just want to fight for it! I want to fight for us but I dont know how. And I'm just tired.

I'm trying so hard to trust God. But the obstacles that are coming up are just so big. I feel like I've been standing strong and fighting for ages..

I dont know what to do anymore. Hang in there everyone says. Its not helping. I have been hanging for a long time! Something good has to happen soon.

I dont feel strong, brave or anything else. I'm just stumbling through. I just hope that thats enough.