Who am I?

Was I really there?
Did I imagine it?
Made it out worse than it really was?
Did I exaggerate?
In the time when everything seemed warped.

Life felt hard... was it really or was it because I perceived it to be?
In a different light, would life have been different?
Would I have coped better?

I wonder sometimes. Did I make it up because I was a drama queen? Or was it real.
I brush it off now because I think it wasn't that bad... But was it? Do I have cause to be damaged or an I overreacting?

Time wasted on working out who I am... what I think, how I have changed, if I have changed. Am I better or am I slipping? Is life really ok now...

I ask you again... who am I really?

Am I as strong as you perceive? Does it look like I have everything under control?
Do I look like a reasonable person?

I feel like things are spinning out of control. What scares me most is that I have two little girls relying on me. I can't fail. I refuse to fail when I feel like I was failed... Sure I was loved... I am still loved but it won't cover the scars.

It's like it never happened... that's why I don't know if it was that bad. Things feel worse when your young. I can't step foot in that house without feeling some pain... or just memories... yet I can walk in and pretend that nothing happened and that it's all ok... I guess maybe it is all ok. The feeling has dulled slightly. It is a bit blurry... so maybe it didn't happen at all.

I know my mind plays tricks on me sometimes. I just wish I could stay focused on the now. See what I am now and improve on that instead of remembering what I was. Wish it was that easy...

Why am I so negative about things. It makes life so much harder for us! I thought I already learned that lesson. Guess not...

Feels like a big step backwards.

So whoever reads this... I really want to know... Who am I?