From about October to mid November I start getting excited about Christmas. I think of how great it will be for my 2 girls and what fun we will have creating our own traditions. Then in the month before it I start getting stressed. Not about the usual things... About whether our family will be ok with our choices of how we want to spend Christmas and who we want to spend it with... Every year since we have been married we have argued and stressed about this. FIVE YEARS... I won't even go into the years before that... Lets just say I dreaded Christmas.
It all sounds pretty basic that we should be strong, have our Christmas how we want it and just let our families know how we want it and that should be that.
I wish...
I thought I was the one with strong will, well my husband outranks me! He has stood firmer than I ever knew he would against his own family for the sake of ours... I am proud. Me, on the other hand, have been soo stressed that I would rather give in and make everyone else happy for the sake of avoiding ruining someone else's Christmas rather than fighting for the rights to my own happiness. At first I was angry but now I just want to feel some peace and to stop thinking, second guessing my decision and just feeling hopeless!
We tried to compromise but it still wasn't good enough. I don't know why it is soo damn hard to accept the fact that we would like to spend Christmas day by ourselves without anyone 'dropping in, quickly' We will attend the church service on Christmas day and invited both sets of parents along to see us on the day but then go our separate ways but that wasn't good enough!
I don't want to give in but I am so tired of thinking about this and watching it unfold each day with more comments, frustrations and arguments. I feel bad as it is I don't want to cop anymore before we get to the day...
I just want a happy day for my girls. Just for one year I would like to look forward to it and be completely satisfied that it will go well. And just stress about normal things like if our kids will like the presents we give them and generally enjoy the day.
I want to be able to make a decision without feeling guilty if someone else doesn't like it! I want to feel like I am an adult, a mother, a reasonable person and even a nice person. I thought I deserved respect, tolerance and acceptance...
Apparently not.
The highs and lows of a wife and mother trying to find her place in the world
You are responsible for your family. Your husband and your girls. If you want to spend Christmas with just the 4 of you, then so be it. It is impossible to make everyone happy, and it's not your job to make everyone happy. If they can't deal with your decision then that is their problem that they have to get over. You are doing nothing wrong by standing your ground, and don't give in. It's your family, only you and Daniel have the right to say what happens for your family!
ReplyDeleteFor the future, gently prepare respective families early for Christmas. I started in about July this year ( of course we have the excuse of being 7 hours away from home). Tell them what you think should happen so they can be prepared. Maybe see one family Christmas eve, and the other on boxing day? But prepare them early! There is nothing wrong with this at all.
As for now. Do the things you want to do. Stop trying to make everyone around you happy and worry only about your immediate family. The others will get over it.