Stuff

Stuff is happening to me. I am not feeling great but there is hope. Some of my brain is still working because even though I wanted to give up the things dearest to me I didnt. I will fake it until I make it.

Its hard, I am trying not to question why, just to deal with it, admit that I cant do it on my own and actually lean on the people that want to help me.

The hardest part was admitting that its gone too far and I really can't talk my way out of it. I can't convince myself that I'm ok. I also can't look my friends in the eye and say that I'm fine.

I think God is reminding me that I'm not invincible even though I think I am. I have never felt more physically drained, (other than childbirth) sick and weak than I do right now. It makes me want to stay in bed and never get out, and I never feel like that. I need to be active yet my mind and my body have suddenly shut down.

Even through all I don't feel sad about it. It's a hope that one day soon I will finally start to feel better, stronger and happy again. Its nice to be able to focus on my physical health rather than my mental health for a change. It's somewhat easier. I am doing something about it for once.

Well I've admitted it, I'm enduring it and I will come out of it alive.