Alone

Yes I have a night to myself. I should have been doing something else but I decided I needed sometime to be alone. I really thought we had some stuff worked out. A house, not just any house, a brand new one. But no. we cant afford it. I have to go to work to afford it. I dont want to work! I dont want to deal with the people I worked so hard to detach from.. yes I love them but I just dont want to work with them. I dont want to miss out on anything with my daughter. I want to be there for everything, I think she deserves that. I dont want to be like my mother. I love her but I want to be a better mother.

I feel like I'm fighting for a lost cause. When does a husband know how to be a husband, when does a father know he is a father? I am trying to be fair... but I'm failing... my patience is wearing thin. I'm tired. Tired of fighting, of trying to explain... 3 yrs and not much has changed. Where does it end? I wont walk away but I sure as hell want to