Fight

She impatiently wipes away tears, a fight that came out of no where. An underlying issue she can't pin point. She was surprising calm when he slammed out that door a speed up the street. Came back to take her daughter to the movies. Now she fights tears trying to pin point her new found pain and anger. Angry her head goes places she thought she buried, sad that she is missing the quality time. But knowing he's to busy and she won't make time for it. She feels as though she needs to change her likes and dislikes to suit him, to make him feel like he's valued no matter how she feels. Forced her whole life to change who she is to suit someone else. Eventually settled to be pushed around and guilted into things to make someone else feel better. Every time she fights for something it ends up in her giving up and letting whoever get what they want and then she gets stronger as a person to deal with the consequences of her own own mind. Today she is angry for being told she ruins every special holiday. Growing up it was Christmas, she did something wrong then ruined it for everyone. Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays. Didn't matter what day it was, she ruined it. Years of berating herself for ruining everything, she has no idea what she did to ruin it. So today because of an argument she has yet again ruined something. When will she learn to shut her mouth and go along with everything. She is fighting for her freedom of speech but never actually being heard. So today she will again bite the bullet, shut up, apologise, fix it and then fight mentally to accept the outcome. The only benefit to this solution is she will force herself to be stronger mentally. When everything else is falling apart she will control her mind. Stay in control of her mind and words. Then hopefully she will feel some sort of happiness. In all honesty she doesn't know what's right anymore, she doesn't feel valid. All she knows is this is what she needs to do to make herself feel like she's doing the right things by him. Compromising. The pain she feels will pass and she will deal with it on her own. Today she hates her personality... Feels vaguely familiar.