Self Worth

I haven't been here in a while. We are all busy. But this week I have had to stop. I slept wrong and hurt my back. Not like excruciating pain but enough to slow me down. I hate being interrupted in the middle of something so this was a mental battle. I didn't want to hurt myself further but also desperate to get done what needed to be done.

The pain could be managed but I wanted it fixed. So 3 physio appointments later, my movement is better but still not back to normal. It was brought to my attention that I have been going to the physio for 10 years now with the same problem. All down to terrible posture. Great. Now I actually have to think about how I'm sitting, how I'm lifting my children and getting them in the car, how long I stare at my iPad....

Not what I wanted to be thinking about this week.

So what do I do next. Well to start with actually doing the exercises and stretches that have been recommended to me, plus taking care of myself. That is a lesson I never wanted to take. I know I abuse my body. I ignore it, deprive it, force it to do things it probably shouldn't do, I push it to its limits and now it's fighting back. I am not strong enough to win against it. I must yield.

This means that I need to learn how to love my body and respect it. Self worth. Something I am not good at. Value myself. How? How do I do that? Suggestions welcome.

My brain never allows me to find my value. It's hidden away just out of reach, I think I'm making progress then I slip into the abusing phase. There is no way that I can find my way out of this on my own. It means admitting defeat and letting God take over this part of my heart that has been guarded well.

How this chapter will go I don't know but I need support through this and prayers. It's a tough discovery about myself that I wish I never had to face. But I'm here and I will weather the storm and hopefully come out a better person.