we change

into what? It is better or worse? When our situation changes the people we hang around change. Sometimes i dont like that. I dont want to lose the friends I have. But how do u get back there. How do u help them. How do u feel needed again. But on the other hand u dont want to go back there because you were a needy friend and people dont like friends like that cuz after a while it gets too hard and they are glad that you are gone.

I just want to feel valued again. To feel like I've imparted something into someone elses world. But for now, I choose to stay away until I have my stuff sorted out. Then I may be use to someone. When Im not thinking of me anymore. When maybe in some small way I can help.

Finally things are looking up

I went to see a counselor yesterday after a mini breakdown recently. The session I had was an assessment of where I was at. But i walked out of there feeling 10 times better. We hadnt sorted anything out, I just realised that I wasnt going crazy. That was a huge relief. I still have to go see my doctor again but I think we can finally start working through things a little more rationally.

I know all my posts lately have been all over the place. But my mind and emotions have been all over the place. Believe it or not I hate where I have been. I hate that I feel this way. I just needed to talk to the right people to help me sort it out. I feel I have no right to behave the way I did. Or that I had the right to feel the way I do, but who's going to tell me it was wrong?

My head is still mush for the time being but it will be worked out. It'll take a while but if I continue with counseling then I'm pretty sure I will get back on the right track. Thanks to the amazing people that see me so differently to how i see myself. Thanks to those who have supported me. I hate relying on other people but without them I would still be losing my head.

Not true

I can't even be true in my blog. Im supposed to be honest and write what I'm feeling here but I still cant...

Been a while

but I think I should say that I'm fine. Had a lovely holiday relaxing and I think Maddison really enjoyed herself. She's growing up so quickly. I just love her so much. I really think she is the light in my world. So yes... I'm fine

Maybe I'm just out of my mind

Is anybody here i know, cuz nothings going right and everything's a mess and no one likes to be alone.

Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new, I dont know who you are but I'm with you.

Great

Yep I said it. Life is great. Just fantastic. I have just about everything a girl could want. No complaining anymore. I'm just great.

where have I gone?

I just realised I'm full of it! I say one thing but mean another. My true self have been coming out lately and I hate her. I really do just hate her. Where has my self control gone?? I dont deserve what I have, I don't appreciate it enough. I have seen all the bad stuff and now I can't see the good. I have a friend who through everything she has dealt with is stronger than me. I should be supporting her but instead I'm feeling guilty, angry and blaming all the wrong things. I'm questioning everything. I falter at hard situations even though they are not happening to me. My doctor might think that there isnt anything wrong with me but I know there is. There may not be a name for it but something is not right. Where is the happy, fun, joyful person gone. I miss her. People used to always know when something was wrong because they would always see me smiling and when I wasnt, it wasnt normal.

I just want me back.